Howdy Friends,

I’ve been walking alongside adolescents for more than two decades now, and this week especially I’ve been reminded of just how courageous and tender this stage of life really is. 

Teenagers are navigating a world that often feels overwhelming, yet they carry extraordinary wisdom and longing beneath the surface. Over the years, I’ve gathered a sense of what they would tell us—if only it didn’t feel so vulnerable to say out loud. Here’s my top ten list of what our teens wish we knew but may never actually put into words.

What Your Teenager Wishes You Knew (But May Never Say Out Loud)

1. I’m a good kid having a hard time. Please remember I’m not choosing to be difficult. My brain is still developing, and I need your patience and kindness while I figure things out.

   
   

2. I’m not really mad at you. I just don’t always know where to put these big feelings. Anger is “Sad’s bodyguard”—it feels safer than tears. You’re my safe target because I trust your love. Deep down, I hope you’ll help me make sense of these heavy feelings.

   
   

3. I hold it together all day at school. By the time I get home, I’m spent. That’s when you see the “worst” of me—because you’re my safe place to let go. Try to see it as a compliment!

   
   

4. My brain is under construction. Until I’m about 25, everything is still wiring up. This is why my behaviour is always changing and I need your help.  I really can’t regulate my own screen time yet. I won’t love your limits, but I need them. Maybe we can set healthy boundaries together—like charging my phone in your room overnight.

   
   

5. Friends matter, but so do you. Belonging keeps me alive. My friends shape my music and style, but home is where I feel unconditional love. I’m absorbing your lessons on kindness, even if I don’t say it.

   
   

6. I’m more than my grades or achievements. Please help me see my worth in who I am, not just what I achieve. Identity grows from all of me—not only my marks or trophies.

   
   

7. Listen beyond my words. All behaviour is communication. Sometimes I don’t even know what I’m feeling. Curiosity—without advice or blame—helps me untangle it.

   
   

8. Bedtime opens my heart. At night I’m softer, more reflective. Don’t panic over what I say—just listen. We can revisit things later, in the clear light of day. You might be tired now, but I am NOT. So see if you can meet me here…you get some real golden moments.

   
   

9. Hold space for me. Let me talk without fixing. Let me feel you trust my judgement. It helps when you ask, “What do you need from me right not? Do you want advice, or just for me to listen?”

   
   

10. Help me learn I’m fireproof. Stand beside me as I face life’s challenges. Don’t rush to put out every fire or map my path—let me believe in my own strength. That’s how resilience and confidence grows. Avoid criticising or I told you so’s as this is a real connection ruiner.  

🌙 Closing Note

Parenting teenagers is not for the faint of heart—it is an initiation of its own. My hope is that these reminders help you soften, breathe, and remember that beneath the slammed doors and eye rolls is a soul longing to be seen, loved, and believed in. May you walk this path with courage, patience, and trust in the unfolding wisdom of both you and your child.

A Simple Text Message (That Will Make Them Cringe and Secretly Smile)

Hey [Name],

Just wanted to say I feel incredibly lucky to be your mom/dad. I’m proud of you every day and grateful you’re my kid. I know things aren’t always easy, but I’ll always be in your corner. Thanks for being you—exactly as you are. Love you. ❤️

With warmth,Kristi 🌸